http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH9Q4fsZ1IY   was running through my mind and music does that to me.I hope this link works.I can't relate to my old posts here.I'm very in to being a verb and I give other people the same courtesy.People change and I used to just mouth it but now I've seen it.Its bitter sweet.Some lose qualities I love.....some gain.I wonder why I was dreaming this song so clearly right before getting up.I can't write like I used to because I don't feel the conviction of the opposite of what I write.Repeated incessantly by me,i like to remind people that inner conflict is eazy to spot as the more vehement someone gets about something.....the more vociferous and ardent they are.....THE MORE SUSPECT the person becomes as one who believes the opposite.This sounds crazy.....it was designed to......;some messages I c may or may not have relevance to situations in my life.In some cases My varios sites and pc have been broken in to with pretty banal insults being left behind.Sometimes this happens at public sites and i know its confluence.Thinking and feeling in a discurssive manner will always be less than being to me,Although being includes it.Someone sent my friend a fake check not that she was dumb enough to bank it anyway......But....my point is I feel  pained at the thought of the person who sent it.I love them for it.I feel pained that someone wanted to hurt my freind.So I guess someone must be proud of themselves 4 getting what they wanted.I hate to say this so much.and considering my petulance,arrogance and boisterous expressions,I have always prized modesty.If someone is in the position to understand what I will write, then this is to you.If this hypothetical person wrote a message to me that said in part...."I am happy for you.....even though your on the other side,I beg you to be objective with yourself just as I have been in my life.For example......THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD AND THE MOST IMPORTANT TO LOVE  (AS DEDUCED SOLELY BY MYSELF) WILL  be the ones in front of you.Evenn and esspecially when we are geting ready to go solo a while.I wishh and pray that in some way ,this hypothetical person could say to me "i am happy for you".I hold even a hypothetical heart with care.i hold the hypothetical heart of someone who does not realize the trouble they cause themselves when they intentionally go out of their way to hurt someone with a concern that feels devine in the humanity the passion express."from the abundace of the heart, the lips speak".So....in this spirit of truth in love....(ecause love requires trust even the twisted kind where you trust their untrustyness).Let me also add that this hypothetical heart that might have hypothetically blah blah said.....    is hypothetically way smarter than myself but very timmid and insecure.HERE GOES          Dear one,            My heart does not bleed to know ..............if you did what my mind and instincts tell me(and a modern man is nothing if he can not sublimate instincts and thoughts that do not servr the syllabus of his life).......then you must realize that you love me most.As is!I beg you to not become incited when I say you are not happy for me.The reasons for this would come out insulting .Some men bet on the Muse.I bet on the Godess..I have huge trust issues.I am sure that you know me not one iota more than I you.I have to learn to trust something bigger than a heart song day dream.Whether that comes through another person is not my purvey.Over time and the passage of process I know it is possible to believe you.I once dissed someones boo so I deservrd hat check shit anywayI am rather bored here in nyc as I await some travel plans.Perhaps I 'll  play with xanga untill i piss someone off or vice-ah-versa.I think I need to express more about this hypothetical person/situation.I have an idea that maybe,maybe,maybe, I am in a position to say something that perhaps another is in a position to hear.Ita wholistic thing to and relates to mental health,yoga,equipoise in well being and hot kinky sex!!!!!This is so private but at the same time so desperate to be expressed simply,clearly and sincerely.This is not in front of me but it was,and i won't let you leave this love behind one way or another as to whether you know it.

NO WAD-IMEEN LUTZ JUS SNOT WAIST R DIME<embed style="width:480px; height:392px;" wmode="opaque" bgcolor="#ffffff" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.xanga.com/xangavideoplayer.swf?i=802398&m=242b3"> </embed>     THANX XANGA, THIS ONE WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!